The reality of trust

I can tell you that no one can actually hurt you. You aren’t afraid to trust people, you’re afraid to trust yourself. What I see when I look in you is that you are unwilling to meet your own pain, directly, and it shows as a belief that people are not trustworthy. What the reality is that the only one you need to trust is yourself.

When you are with people, if you trust yourself, then you will be with the pain of your own brokenness. So when someone hurts you – if you want to look at it in the orchestration of the whole Divine Play – when someone hurts you, that can only happen because you are not with your own brokenness. So in a way it’s like you are attracting the reflection into that brokenness over and over. So we have some identity there which says “Oh hurt again, oh hurt again, hurt again, hurt again, hurt again.” So you’re closing yourself in based on not meeting your own brokenness directly. Can you follow what I’m saying?

So, oh, (laughing) I thought I would have to speak for five, ten minutes before there was an agreement. I love you guys! Perfect! So let’s get straight to it then.

What there needs to happen is a willingness to let the love and power of your attention move to inside your own self. So inside your own self,what I see is a heart and it’s aching. I see a woman, I see a belly and it’s aching. So to be with that aching is honest. To be deeply feeling and being in that pain, that is honest. Instead, you shield yourself from Love, and in a way, it brings in this layer of dullness over you, protecting you from being touched in those places which you already know in you hurts.

So what you’re doing in that movement – I mean it’s basic self-protection, you know? But when you allow those shields of self-protection to fall, what you are facing is the fact of your own wholeness waiting to happen – the birth of yourself as Love, the birth of yourself into the wholeness of yourself as a woman.

So you see it holds different aspects in it, and one of them are that willingness to come into the deepest integrity of yourself, and to let that integrity be something that you move forward in the world with. You see if you don’t even want to rest in yourself you can’t touch the brokenness, so it can’t heal. If it can’t heal you can’t come into your deeper and deeper love for yourself as Woman, as Love, as Truth.

So everything waits for you to step into that deepest commitment to yourself, because without the deepest commitment to yourself you cannot truly commit deeply to any relation, to any communication, to any connection with anything around you, yes? So that’s waiting.

Source : Aisha Salem

A point of needed return

I was watching a video on a MKUltra monarch program survivor and something she said made me stop dead in my tracks:

She said, a lot of trauma survivors create unsafe environments for their inner child to come forward with the trauma. They recreate their trauma so as to prevent its processing by numbing the pain with physical pain and overstimulation. Basically, drowning out the inner screams of agony.

I don’t know if anyone who hasn’t undergone extensive trauma can relate to this but it’s bonechilling to me because that’s exactly what I had been doing for all these years up until 2 years ago. I tried to erase and kill the traumatized parts of me and live an alternate life just so I wouldn’t have to go back in and relive the shit. Everytime I attempted suicide it was because the traumatized parts of me broke free to my consciousness and I just wanted to jump ship.

8 degrees of separation

Retain your calmness. Don’t abandon your post in this moment. War is raging outside and anyone not firmly grounded in the pillar of love extending through the breath of life will be snatched and snuffed.

Illusion is false light

Being present in the moment is the only portal to the true light. Being grounded in the now will burn away every false construct because it’ll make you feel what’s wrong and uncomfortable. By feeling that you’re less susceptible to being lured and seduced by diabolical illusions promising you protection from pain.

Hint : heaven is the only place where pain ceases to be. As long as we’re in this body and this fragmented realm, we’ll feel pain. However, it’s only meant to shock us into alignment. We feel pain when we’re out of alignment, which is another reason why pain is made to look like some boogeyman so that the allure of illusions is strengthened by a survival instinct to be protected from any and all pain (because it’s been overlayed with false information about what it means).

Pang of life

Me to me: why does it hurt when I give attention to my feelings?

Me to me : because you’re finally feeling parts of you that you used to ignore

Me: oh

Me: yup

Me to me: Is it worth it? Things seemed easier when I used to dissociate

Me to me : dissociating is like being homeless because you don’t want to deal with the possibility of being woken up by the sound of the fire alarm and the ensuing panic and chaos. Feeling is like learning to find the calm in every storm so that you don’t have avoid life and what naturally comes with it.

Me to me: you’re so wise

Me to me : thank the trauma

Me to trauma : thank you trauma

Trauma to me: don’t thank me, thank Allaah

Me to Allaah : thank You. Thank You for not giving up on me

No more posts.