where the winds are headed

Validation is rizq

Love is rizq

Self-awareness is rizq

Courage is rizq

Success is rizq

Stability is rizq

Confidence is rizq


The key to receiving is to realize that everything in existence is His, and whatever He grants you no one can hold back. All the hearts are between His fingers, and He holds everyone by their foreheads. He can make your worst enemy subservient to you. Therefore, do not attribute that divine power to others or give yourself undue importance in that somehow you’re innately undeserving. What that would entail is that Allaah created you with a fixed burden and that’s simply not His M.O. Whatever shortcomings we have is only to act as catalyst for growth. Internalizing things based on how others mistreated you is to deface your soul. 

If anything, you experience unloving people to know that that’s wrong because it offends the soul. Allaah is showing you through contrast in order for you to learn. 
The channel to receiving all you need is to be grateful. Gratitude is an antidote to resentment, arrogance, entitlement, shame. It connotes an expectation of love and anticipation of good. It’s a recognition of the divine gifts you pine for. 
If you experience a lack, or mistreatment or emotional pain, it’s not because there’s something wrong with you. It’s not because you haven’t done enough to earn love because you had your rizq assigned before you were born. Your only purpose is to find and embody enlightenment, which is ibaadah of Allaah. He wants you to feel loved, to feel significant, to feel empowered, to feel free, to feel able because that’s what He created you for! He didn’t create you to be stagnant. He created you to discover and share your gifts, in gratitude for receiving them. The taxation for blessings is to share them. And He wishes ease for us, not hardship. 
Whatever we feel that constricts our hearts or burdens us is a sign that we’re not aligned with our truth. We’re living out the scripts of those who can’t give us what we need or deprive us. People just dole out credits on divine gifts, claiming that if you sign the dotted line you’d receive validation but it’s a scam. You know that. You know that people only want to control and overpower and that’s why they seduce you with validation and love. 

Whatever you experience on the outside is only meant to draw attention to the places within you that need remedying. It’s a call to purify your soul and remove the blocks. Don’t add fuel to the fire by internalizing that lesson as further proof of your doom of misery and unlovability. 

فَتَقَبَّلَهَا رَبُّهَا بِقَبُولٍ حَسَنٍ وَأَنْبَتَهَا نَبَاتًا حَسَنًا وَكَفَّلَهَا زَكَرِيَّا  كُلَّمَا دَخَلَ عَلَيْهَا زَكَرِيَّا الْمِحْرَابَ وَجَدَعِنْدَهَا رِزْقًا قَالَ يَا مَرْيَمُ أَنَّىٰ لَكِ هَٰذَا قَالَتْ هُوَ مِنْ عِنْدِ اللَّهِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَرْزُقُ مَنْ يَشَاءُ بِغَيْرِ حِسَابٍ

So her Lord accepted her with goodly acceptance. He made her grow in a good manner and put her under the care of Zakariya. Every time he entered Al-Mihrab to (visit) her , he found her supplied with sustenance. He said: “O Maryam (Mary)! From where have you got this?” She said, “This is from Allaah.” Verily, Allaah Provides sustenance to whom He wills, without limit.” 

(Aali Imran 3:37) 

لِيَجْزِيَهُمُ اللَّهُ أَحْسَنَ مَا عَمِلُوا وَيَزِيدَهُمْ مِنْ فَضْلِهِ  وَاللَّهُ يَرْزُقُ مَنْ يَشَاءُ بِغَيْرِ حِسَابٍ 

That Allaah may reward them according to the best of their deeds, and add even more for them out of His Grace. And Allaah Provides without measure to whom He wills.

(An-Nur 24:38) 

قُلْ إِنَّ رَبِّي يَبْسُطُ الرِّزْقَ لِمَن يَشَاءُ مِنْ عِبَادِهِ وَيَقْدِرُ لَهُ  وَمَا أَنفَقْتُم مِّن شَيْءٍ فَهُوَ يُخْلِفُهُ  وَهُوَ خَيْرُ الرَّازِقِينَ

Say: “Truly, my Lord enlarges the provision for whom He wills of His slaves, and (also) restricts (it) for him, and whatsoever you spend of anything (in Allaah’s Cause), He will replace it. And He is the Best of Providers.” 

(Saba’ 34:39) 

Ambitionz az a Writah

#I think God creates writers with porous souls and eyes like black holes that absorb everything. And before a writer can become a bona fide writer whose work touches souls and transcends time, they are made to suffer. They dissolve in the acid of apathy of people. The world in its entirety seeps through their encased ego by brsouls are borne out of the world and not into it, and they are essentially catapulted out of this dimension.
I don’t know why, maybe it’s because they pen thoughts and thoughts are the building blocks of worlds and souls? And to discover what to write about, they have to use their own soul as a laboratory?

#Invest in the one who is grateful for what you give because that means that they know how to receive love, and won’t feel entitled.
And love someone who is patient with difficulties for that is one who won’t bolt when you reveal the parts of you that sends uncomfortable shocks through his unmet parts.

#Whatever i lack is with Allaah. Others can’t give me what Allaah hasn’t given me. And they can’t deprive me of what Allaah has given me.

I’m whole and complete. Allaah doesn’t require me to be something or someone I’m not because that would entail that His act of creation is faulty, subxaanah.

He created me to be precisely who I am. But I need to be aware and discover the clues He’s left for me and to reconnect with Him through the symbols that transpire in those clues. My purpose is to be gratefully aware, mindfully enduring.

#Ya don’t have to worry about making people stay, or figuring out whether they are about to leave. Just promise yourself this: to never leave yourself just like the sun doesn’t cease to become star when night falls. When you become grounded in your core, people and things will naturally find a home in your orbit. But that can’t happen if your commitment to yourself is wobbly.

#I’m kept sane by understanding the insanity of the world, and I gain will to live through the words of the dead. I live in this world but my spirit is in another realm. I enjoy solitude for it affords me the company of those who left telepathic messages in books and HTML codes.
My independence of mind is my hazmat suit.

Truth cleanses
Love moisturizes

Truth gives direction
Love is: motivation

Truth gives form
Love is : colour

Truth is creation
Love is: miracle


My tired feet, my restless mind 

​Islaam is not a punching bag for your cognitive dissonance nor is it burial grounds for your existential woes. 
If you don’t want to be a Muslim, fine. But don’t play a mindgame where you’re trying to ‘expose’ Islaam’s fallacies and thus get a clean exit. Don’t flatter yourself, thinking that Islaam will fall like a house of cards should you exit. 
A man is allowed to marry 4 wives 

The prophet married Caaisha young He also split the moon and travelled to Jerusalem on a winged beast 

Under a legitimate caliphate, there’s jizyah ( taxes for non-muslims) and xadd ( pl. Xuduud, fixed punishments for specific crimes)

Xijaab is waajib (obligatory) and it’s literal, not metaphysical 
Don’t try to warp Islaam to quell your cognitive dissonance, or to appease critics. Accept it unconditionally, or walk out. 

That doesn’t mean that you *have* to do every thing. There’s leniency for individual struggles as long as you don’t warp the truth itself to fit you.

Many practicing Muslims have similar doubts like the ambiguous Muslims – but they choose to bury their doubts instead. They are so consumed by the fear of those doubts taking over them that they become extreme and judgemental. 

In a way, they are afraid that their doubts will ‘prove’ that Islaam is false, that Allaah doesn’t exist. Which is a problematic premise to build your faith on – avoiding doubts. If you believe that Allaah is the truth, you should have faith that flimsy doubts can’t dispel the truth. And if your doubts do dispel what you held as the truth, then it can’t be the truth. 

If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainties.

— Francis Bacon (The Advancement Of Learning)
The truth remains. It’s indestructible. Seek the truth, wherever it is. Feel the doubts and believe anyway. 
I remember I went through crazy periods of doubts and agnosticism ( in my early teens). In a contradictory and self-protective move, I adopted a very strict interpretation of Islaam, to check out of this existential crisis loop by leaving no room for uncertainties. But that didn’t stop my inquisitiveness. It just went haywire in protest of my suppression. Once I realized that my curiosity was an integral part of me that I couldn’t switch off, I decided to settle this feud once and for all – to the bewilderment and discouragement of many who thought that acknowledging doubts was akin to opening a Pandora’s box. But I knew that I had tried to hold my breath for years and my soul was calling me to this. 
In simple terms : I put my faith on the line. I had to find out for sure if Islaam was compatible with the truth. And to say that it was scary is an understatement. But I asked Allaah for guidance towards the truth by removing inner barriers that could cloud my judgement. Sounds paradoxical, but I figured that there WAS a God right? So, why not ask Him for clarification? And if there wasn’t, at least my ducaa would be a way to accept whatever truth I came to find. 
I wasn’t trying to run away from anything, I wasn’t trying to find a way to slink out of Islaam without all the guilt – I was honestly and genuinely seeking the truth, like Salmaan al-Faarisi did by going from priest to priest seeking the ultimate truth. That was me, in a nutshell. 
I read a quote somewhere that has kept me steady during many a trials ; “The faith that *can’t* be shaken is the faith that *has*  been shaken”
And think about it; how are you ever going to evolve if you’re going through life scared? If you’re protecting what you deem as safety?
Whilst my friends were cramming for Naxwa and Balaagha exams, I was in a corner highlighting in my dog-eared copy of Tafseer imaam as-Sacdi (  تيسير الكريم الرحمن) or al-Fawaaid and Madaarij as-saalikeen by Ibn al-Qayyim or al-cubudiyyah by Ibn Taymiyyah (I’m not just name-dropping to sound cool, these were and still are very important and dear books in my journey) and making notes. I’d start with a hypothesis or a question that I’d get from an aayah I’ve read, then I’d read the tafseer of Imaam as-Sacdi – my favourite – and if it wasn’t sufficient, I’d read that of at-Tabari, Qurtubi, Ibn Katheer. If THAT wasn’t sufficient, I’d go to the circles of the scholars and jot down my question on a note – with the help of my Egyptian Qur’aan teacher who often attended the same classes. Or I’d ask her to pass the question to the sheikh if I couldn’t make the class. 

I’d use philosophy and psychology to try to supplement my understanding. I used secular and Islaamic knowledge in equal measure.I went at it from every angle possible. 
And in the end, I got the yaqeen I was seeking. At least in the fundamentals. My heart rests in that truth and it can withstand the occasional gust of doubts that may come along. The difference now is that a doubt won’t threaten me or my identity. And that allows me to be tolerant and easy with the way I approach Islaam. And I still have a long way to go, but at least I’m sure of the road I’m taking. Istiqaamah ( steadfastness) rests solely on the degree of yaqeen ( certainty) in one’s heart. And ironically, yaqeen is a belief in the face of doubt and uncertainties. Many try to get pseudo yaqeen by doing everything perfectly on the outside, but not knowing that true change starts within.
Doubts and things you avoid are obstacles in your self-discovery  journey. You can’t let go of what you fear to face. So you’re forever shackled at the ankles with it. 
Whatever choice you’re going to make for your life, make sure it’s *your* choice and not a reaction to fear or doubts. 

I tore myself away from the safe comfort of certainties through my love for truth – and truth rewarded me.

— Simone de Beauvoir

لم يكن له كفوا احد

​The only one who will never break your heart is Allaah 

The only one who will never fail you is Allaah 

The only one who will always keep his word is Allaah 

The only one who truly knows you and understands what you struggle with is Allaah 

The only one who doesn’t judge you by your weaknesses is Allaah 

The only one who will never turn you away or be too busy for you is Allaah 

The only one you can entrust your heart to is Allaah 

The only one who can fulfill your every need is Allaah 

The only one who can take away your innermost pain is Allaah 

The only one who understands your silence is Allaah 

The only one who really understands what you say is Allaah

The only one who is truly appreciative of your progress is Allaah 

The only one who will never have ulterior motives is Allaah 

The only one who can get you out of the darkest tunnels, the deepest holes, the most vast oceans is Allaah 

The only one who won’t hold any transgression you did against you, after you seek forgiveness, is Allaah 

The one who will never give up on you is Allaah 
يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ قَدْ جَاءَتْكُمْ مَوْعِظَةٌ مِنْ رَبِّكُمْ وَشِفَاءٌ لِمَا    فِي الصُّدُورِ وَهُدًى وَرَحْمَةٌ لِلْمُؤْمِنِين 
“O mankind! There has come to you a good advice from your Lord, and a healing for that in your breasts, – a guidance and a Mercy for the believers.”
(Yunus 10:57)

Rediscovering Ramadaan #15

Ibn al-Qayyim says in his Al-Fawaaid ( did I mention how obsessed I am with it? Oh, I did? Well, I’m telling you again.);

“The root of all goodness is to know that what Allaah has willed, is and what He has not willed will never be. By this you’ll come to be convinced that all good deeds are from His bounty, and you become grateful and humble yourself to Him lest you’re cut off from this bounty.

Likewise, you’ll learn that evil stem from Him leaving you to your own devices, as punishment. So you plead with Him that He comes in between you and your ego.

And that He doesn’t leave you to your own devices regarding doing good deeds and restraining from evil.

The sages ( of Islaam) are unanimous about the fact that the root of every goodness is the tawfeeq (facilitation) of Allaah for His slave. And that the root of all evil is Allaah leaving one to their own devices.

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