I wonder what it makes me when I’m transparent and honest 100% of the time, and yet when push comes to shove the other person just hides or disappears instead of sharing their honest to God truth about their circumstance. Am I a buffoon? Have I not shown – amply – that I care not for performance or expectations? Was my vulnerability in vain if it’s that easy for someone to prefer to ghost with no warning than to at least own what’s making them feel like they have to hide?
I’ve tried to withhold my feelings in cases such as these because I know it’s a long shot to have people stray from their automatic behaviour to think consciously and be mindful. But where does that leave me, when I constantly have to dumb myself down in this manner? Am I too not engaging in some sort of charade when I’m not honest about how this actually impacts me? Perhaps that’s what the pain is. I wish they would spare me the confrontation. I wish I didn’t have to take that final painful step out of the shadows to make my feelings known.